Are they actually going to get me? Will I feel comfortable talking to them? What if I choose the wrong one?
A friend said something to me recently that really stuck with me. They knew they needed to speak to a counsellor, but they just couldn't face the search. The thought of trying to find the "right" person felt exhausting before they'd even started.
It made me think back to my own experience of looking for a counsellor.
There was the one who kept calling me "sweetie", the one who spoke a little too much, and the one who looked absolutely perfect but didn't have any availability. None of those experiences were terrible, they just weren't right for me.
Then I remembered something I was told during my counselling training that has always stuck with me. There is the right client for every counsellor.
Over time I've come to believe the reverse is true as well. There is also the right counsellor for every client.
That's why I think the introductory session, or chemistry meeting, is such an important part of the process (and why I offer mine free of charge).
People sometimes think that first meeting is all about the counsellor deciding whether they can work with you. In reality, it's just as much about you deciding whether you can imagine talking to them each week. Therapy is built on the relationship, so it needs to feel right for both of you.
So how do you know?
Before you book an introductory session, it can help to think about what you're looking for.
You might be someone who likes writing lists, or you might just have a few thoughts in your head. Either is fine.
Maybe you need to feel relaxed enough to open up. Maybe you want someone who offers online sessions because life is busy. Maybe you want someone who will gently challenge you, or maybe you simply want someone who will sit with you without trying to fix everything.
There isn't a perfect answer because we're all looking for something slightly different.
If a counsellor offers an introductory session, use it.
Ask questions. Find out how they work. Listen to how they explain things. Notice how you feel while you're talking to them.
Then afterwards, give yourself a moment to reflect.
Did you feel listened to?
Did you feel judged?
Could you imagine telling them something difficult?
Sometimes our instinct tells us quite a lot. It doesn't have to be huge or an instant connection, but there should be something that says, yes, I think I could come back here and keep talking.
Before moving on, I think it's really important to recognise something else too.
If you've got as far as looking for a counsellor, you've already taken a huge first step.
Getting to the point where you can say, "I think I need some help," isn't always easy. For some people it takes weeks, months or even years. So if you're reading profiles, comparing counsellors or even thinking about booking that first session, take a moment to recognise how much effort that has taken. It takes courage to acknowledge you might need some help, and even more courage to start looking for it.
What if they're not for me?
This is the bit I think we can forget or find too awkward.
It's okay to shop around. (I'm still not convinced that's the best phrase, but you know what I mean!)
It's okay to meet a counsellor and decide they're not the right fit. That doesn't mean you've wasted anyone's time, and it doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of you. Just like any relationship, sometimes it simply doesn't click.
Please don't feel you have to stay with the first counsellor you speak to because you feel guilty.
Finding someone you feel safe with is too important for that.
I genuinely believe there is a counsellor out there for everyone.
That counsellor might be me, and it might not be and that’s ok.
What matters most is that you find someone you feel able to trust, someone you can be yourself with, and someone who can walk alongside you in whatever has brought you to counselling in the first place.
Because when you find the right fit, the search really feels worth it.
