The problem with having a plan
If you read any self help type books or articles, it will often say something along the lines of: define your outcome, stay laser-focused, don’t steer from your path and do everything with this outcome in mind.
I mean, that’s pretty good advice, I like a plan, I can see why it’s sensible and why it would work. But, and you knew there was a but, what if you’re not sure what your outcome is, so you never start?
Or what if, in the pursuit of this clearly defined outcome, you see something else? Or, heaven forbid, you change your mind?
Or even worse, maybe you’re so laser focused that you miss something that might have been right for you.
What if you don’t know what comes next?
This got me thinking about my own work as a counsellor and how much I enjoy the variety of work and diversity of clients I work with.
I felt the pressure of having a clearly defined niche, to get that laser focus on my market and goals. But why was I resisting it?
I sat with this for a little while and then I spoke to my supervisor, because of course talking about the things we feel stuck with is powerful magic.
We talked about a gentler approach. One where we can enjoy where we are today without the focus on where it goes tomorrow. Allowing an openness to possibility and opportunity.
This felt uncomfortable but it also resonated with me. This is what I wanted, and this was why I was resisting a laser-focused plan.
Life transitions can leave us feeling lost
This didn’t mean sitting back and just waiting to see what happens. There is still work in creating comfort and resilience when dealing with ambiguity and uncertainty.
In this softer approach, I recognised that I do have an area where I have a keen interest and skills.
I like working with people who find themselves at a kind of crossroads.
This often happens after a big change, or when thinking about a big change: retirement, the end of a relationship, children leaving home, redundancy, or just reaching a point where things don’t feel quite right anymore.
These life transitions can leave us questioning who we are, what we want and where we are going next.
The questions we’re sometimes afraid to ask
Being at a crossroads creates questions that can be painful and scary to acknowledge:
How did I get here?
What do I want now?
Who am I without the roles I’ve always had?
What might the next chapter look like?
I often hear, “You’re the only person I’ve ever shared that question with.”
Then I see the softening of their jaw or the dropping of tight shoulders, as though there is a sense of relief that it’s been named out loud and shared.
It’s this crucial moment that really matters in my work.
I am really drawn to making space for people to feel they can say the scary thing out loud, then being there as they look at what comes next and find a new path.
You don’t always need to know what your next step is
In doing this work for myself, with the support of my supervisor, I recognise how difficult it can be for my clients to live in a world where we keep being told we must have clear goals and a laser focused plan.
Answering questions like, “So what are you going to do now?” or “What’s your plan?” can be scary and upsetting when we just don’t know.
It’s okay to sit in the not knowing.
To build your comfort with not knowing and to explore different ideas.
You are building resilience and flexibility, and these are great skills.
Who I work with
I work with people who find themselves at a crossroads in life. This might be after retirement, the end of a relationship, children leaving home, redundancy, or another significant life change. Sometimes there is a clear reason for feeling unsettled, and sometimes it’s simply a sense that something no longer feels quite right.
You might be asking yourself what you want now, who you are in this next stage of life, or what your future could look like. You may have spent years knowing what you were doing and where you were going and suddenly find yourself unsure of what comes next.
Counselling with me offers a space to slow things down, make sense of where you are and explore the possibilities ahead. You don’t need to arrive with a clear goal or a plan. We can start with where you are and work from there.
Maybe we don’t need a laser focused plan
Maybe we don’t always need a laser focused plan.
Maybe sometimes we just need enough space to stop, breathe and ask the questions we haven’t been able to ask before.
And maybe the next step doesn’t need to be clear before we take it.
Sometimes finding direction isn’t about knowing exactly where you are going. It’s about becoming comfortable enough with uncertainty to explore what might be possible.
That’s the work I’m drawn to in my counselling practice: helping people navigate life transitions, uncertainty and those crossroads where the old path no longer feels quite right and the new one isn’t clear yet.
You don’t have to have a five-year plan. You don’t even have to know what the next chapter looks like.
Sometimes, you just need somewhere safe to start asking the questions.
